Poop Crisis Averted – A Typical Morning for this Supermom
Story of my life. Truly. At 7am I pulled out the driveway to start my morning loop to drop off five children at school. A crisis quickly arose and I had to be a hero just to keep the day on track.
I have a high schoolers, a middle schooler and two little guys in preschool. In Los Angeles traffic this is a logistical nightmare for one person to complete. It's almost impossible to achieve a seamless drop off, but somehow I get it done every morning. Being late is not an option.
While meandering down Wilshire Blvd. in bumper to bumper traffic to drop off my high schoolers, my preschooler, who is last to be dropped off, announces in a shrill cry, "I gotta poop! It's coming out of my butt!" As the car erupts into laughter, I knew today was just one of those days. You see, I was still ten minutes from the high school drop point. My middle school child was next in line and another 25 minutes of traffic away. Preschool is last. And public toilets are like that one girl from undergrad who likes your boyfriend. They just can't be trusted. I panicked.
As my three-year-old continues to loudly scream "the poop is coming," I scramble to make several life decisions - all before 7:30 am. I put my high schoolers out at 7/11 several blocks shy of their school and bust a U-turn like a maniac and sped back down Wilshire in the opposite direction. My youngest son starts to cry because he can't hear the Sponge Bob Movie that is playing over my other son's pleas for me to take him home to poop in the potty. My other son Jason begins to tease them both before I start screaming for everyone to shut up. At this point, I'm so frazzled, I spill my coffee and over my fresh white workout shirt and I give up that today will offer any breaks.
I know what I have to do. Jason will have to be late. I take a quick left and burn rubber towards the preschool. I literally throw the car in park so fast my entire SUV bucks like a wild bull. I scramble to undo car seats, grab lunch boxes, and teddy bears. [Obviously it's national teddy bear day and the boys had to bring one in for show and tell.] I run toward the steps of the school with a little boy tucked under each arm, I drop kick the door open and run toward the bathroom. Just in the nick of time. My son eats five or six yogurts a day, so let's just say, it was like helping a grown man use the potty. My other son, who is just potty training, stands over both of us clapping and yelling,"yay! you pooped, you pooped, good job!" At about this time, I realized the bathroom door is open and all the other moms have witnessed my struggle and victory. All the other kids start to clap for my son as we wash our hands and make our way into the classroom.
I kiss the little boys goodbye and take Jason, my middle schooler over to his school, 15 minutes late. I kiss him goodbye and send him with a note, promising that being late this morning could not be helped. I drove to the park by my house and walked my four miles in my coffee-stained shirt as strangers looked on at my disheveled appearance.
I get home, take a deep breath and start making breakfast for my one-year-old thinking that yes indeed, I'm a freaking hero. Pancakes from scratch, four miles walked, and poop crisis averted, all by 9:30am.