Letters to the Men I Loved: Dear Dad...
I still can't believe it's been almost ten years since I saw your face. I go so long without thinking of you. I don't miss you like I miss mom. You were a hellcat and I lived with your fury for 18 years. There are days and moments though, father, I remember you with such fondness and I miss you more than anything.
I remember the last time I saw you. I was driving to Florida from Oklahoma. I stopped by your house and you weren't there. I waited for an hour and left. You didn't have a cell phone. As I made my way out of our small hometown, I passed your car and pulled over. It was pouring rain. I ran and got into the car with you laughing because I was soaking wet and was so happy I ran into you so randomly. We talked for 30 minutes, I kissed you goodbye and I drove away. I never saw you again.
I'm sorry I didn't visit that last Thanksgiving even though I promised. I just booked my first major runway show and as humans tend to do, I thought I could get around to seeing you later. I'm sorry I didn't see your call from the hospital the night before you died, and I'm sorry I was late to your funeral. I drove back across the country and didn't give myself enough time. I'm sorry about a lot of things and I hope you would be too.
I had a son years after you died, he was born on your birthday. I had a son the next year and he was born on the day you died. So peculiar, but our life together always was.
Thanks for teaching me to know what I didn't want my husband to be like, and for making me tough as nails. I wouldn't change those lessons.