Ignoring the Subtle Red Flags Only Hurts One Person, You!
The last few months, hell for the last year-and-a-half, I've been trying to find a way to construct positivity from a very negative circumstance. That circumstance? The end of my marriage.
After months and months of struggling, I can't find anything better to do than to tell you my truth. Yes, I'm going to write articles and say things that protect my children. I'm going to do everything to protect them on a daily basis from the storm of divorce and the collapse of a family. But as a woman, speaking to a grown woman who is reading this article, the only advice I can give you is to try harder and slow down before you get married. Why might you ask? Not because I am jaded or bitter, but because the red flags just weren't strong enough for me to recognize before I said: "I Do." The red flags weren't strong enough to tip me off during my years-long marriage to someone that has attempted to destroy my emotional well-being and mental health. Why was I so shocked that when I filed for divorce the person I had loved for so long and given children, would turn into a monster? No, Veronika, this one's on you.
You see, subtly for years he was telling me what he was made of. It was I, who refused to listen. So, this one's on me. And women that's the advice that I give you as you sip your wine lying in your bed wading through random blogs at night. Listen to the red flags. The red flags that make your tummy flutter. The red flags that make you drift off in thought for hours. I speak solely to women because I'm a woman and this is the only viewpoint I have. I love everyone and I want everyone to live their best life but this article is for women.
Those red flags, those things that bother us late at night, the things that don't add up. Let me tell you what they do add up to, later after a divorce has been filed. They add up to you babbling to a stranger. They add up to you not knowing who you're dealing with and how to approach a situation. I was so naive and thought that divorce would be two adults working together for the common good of the children and to do what's best, especially based upon who was right and who was wrong, and who destroyed the marriage. Actually, it was the opposite. It was "This is all my stuff and you can get out if you don't want to be married to me! And in fact, I'll spend whatever amount of money it takes to prove that I'm right and to salvage my reputation and to publicly destroy your character and to harass you." All of this to make you fear that even your children could be taken from you if you didn't concede to demands that were not only heartless but almost wicked.
I moved out of my marital home, yes, but not by choice. I was forced by a judge after tens of thousands of dollars had been spent and so many lies had been spun, I didn't know where to start. I was defenseless in court. Why might you ask? Because I wasn't prepared. Because I had never listened to all those red flags, all those warning signs, all those alarm bells going off saying "This is not who you think it is, this man is not a good person, this man is capable of much more than you think if you would simply take the time to listen and accept it."
So, as I march through my divorce, (and so many things can't be spoken about because I'm still in the throes of legal battles), what I can tell you is know who you're getting married to and take your time. The dress and the shoes have to be perfect, the flowers have to be just so. As you start your new life you think of your future, children, you buy your first house, and life is filled with such hopefulness, but make sure that you're choosing the right guy. And even after the marriage listen when he speaks from his truest character. If you don't pay attention you might find yourself on the short end of the stick dealing with a monster.
And honey, he was always that monster.